Update to last night's post

Yeah it's official between her and him. I'm sure it's been official for a while but I was too hung up on my own feelings to let it sink in. I sent her a txt asking were him and her a thing and she said "honestly, yes".

I should have seen it coming as she has been quite distant from me for a few weeks now, pretty much just treating me like any other guy in our class, basic pleasantries and little else. I wish them the best of luck as they're both nice people and objective observer would be like "so they're getting together? meh, things like that happen"

Part of me didn't want to admit to the obvious signs (even to me, who's useless at picking up subtle things). I guess at one stage she was genuinely close to me but then got frustrated that it was going nowhere. I tend to do that, proceed slowly until I'm 100% sure but then she's dropping subtle hints at me and getting frustrated. I guess it's a combination of me not wanting to get hurt and not believing that this is happening to me who's rarely received such affection and I want to know if it's for real or is she just that way with everybody. I can tell by the way she's acting around me that she's thinking "that ship has sailed, I tried to get through to him but he didn't warm up or respond".

All I can say as I block up that part of my life is that I missed the feeling of being close to her and wish to feel like that again with her or any other girl in my life ahead. I'll light a fairy light next to her photo in the back of my mind to signify that my feelings for her haven't fully been extinguished but are flickering away as a reminder to myself. She very well may have washed her hands of the prospect of ever getting close to me again. which I'm saddened by but understand.

Hmm it seems that I'm only inspired to post to this when inspired by love or dejection

I realise that it's been quite a while since I posted to this blog. The main reasons are that I've been concentrating on the trials, tribulations and assignments of my new university course. It's taken me a while to settle and find a status que with the relationships between myself and my fellow students. Love life? well it's been a passive journey more then an active pursuit (which I'm aware can be seen as a detriment  if a potential girlfriend has been waiting for me to take the initiative and make a move).

There is one whom, was initially quite flirtatious towards me despite already being in a relationship with a guy. My first reaction (if it was wise, I've no Idea but it was what I wanted to do at the time) was to carry on the flirtation as if it was consequence free as I didn't know the guy and she didn't seem to mention him much, if at all. It felt nice to look forward to something, "oh I wonder if she's in today?" and also I found it quite enjoyable to talk to her both in college and outside via IM messages often revelling in the challenge of making her laugh . I found myself trying to get to know more about her especially since we seemed to have quite a lot in common, more-so I'm inclined to think, then any other girl I'd met up until this point but that could've just been my mind being captivated by the enjoyment of those moments. It's been quite a while, and I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be so flirtatious. In the back of my mind I was aware that she was in a relationship (at least at that moment) and so I was sort of pushing the issue until she drew a clear line in the sand, or gently reminding me that she had a boyfriend, but it didn't seem to happen.

Now this girl, Initially I wouldn't have characterised as "my type" visually, but then, I'd say what I would say as "my type" visually wouldn't be anywhere near enough of a personality match. She was making quite bold statement with her appearance and I must admit I was a bit apprehensive about getting to know her because of this fact. But the more we talked the closer I felt we got and as I was saying I was quite enjoying getting to know this person and getting close to her. Once I got past the initially off-putting and quite bold style statements I realised that this girl was quite attractive, very much so.

Fast forward a few months as what I described above lasted up until this point. Within the past week I've learned that she's recently become single but has also has barely been in college. Now the week before this happened she was really quite cold and distant and I was starting to wonder was it me, but when she broke up with the boyfriend she seemed to thaw to her former self for a few days at least.

Now there's a guys house whom I and a few others have hung out in a few times as It's a short distance walk from the college. I was learning that during this week she was hanging at his quite a bit even staying the night. In a combination of naivety and optimism I assumed she was crashing on his couch and initially it seems, at least, I could well have been right.

Now on Thursday night  she was organising a charity night in a pub with local bands playing. It was quite a fun night and a blast but I admit I throwing caution to the wind and getting rather drunk, The drink was cheap and the music was fantastic. The guy who's place we've been to before offered for the 2 of us to crash at his which was quite generous of him. I assumed I would be on the floor and that she would be on the couch as I said, probably due to blindness, I was still under the impression that nothing was going on between them, also It was still quite recently after the breakup, Thinking of it these things tend to start well before the break up is "official" so this could well have been going on for months, It was quite a blow to my system but it didn't really hit home quite yet as there was a part in the back of my mind stating "this could be something casual, sure they slept in the same bed and are doing things like buying drinks and doing favours for each other but they could still be just friends fooling around" I'd like to call this the Homer Simpson "it's still good, it's still good" defence mechanism or for you budding shrinks "a river in Egypt". It only really hit 100% home when just a few hours ago another friend in college told me he heard her saying she was thinking of moving into his place......

It's still taking a while to sink in. That feeling that I'm still close to her is still there but is probably just a whisp of an illusion at this stage, while it may have been true a few months ago In my mind she was still in a relationship and so didn't fully pursue anything. I'll never know if a relationship was ever on the cards with her and if it was my caution that cost me that chance or maybe I was just an emotional prop to help her while she moved from the down turn of one relationship into the up turn of another. I do not know. If I'll ever feel close to her again. I do not know if I ever was close to her.... was it just a feeling.  Or maybe she was genuinely pursuing me and it was all 100% legit and then realised I wasn't the "catch" she thought I was. I don't know which is sadder really.

My closing thought is this, my well of affection towards her isn't dry but in frozen suspension for it's protection while I figure out if she's still receptive towards me. If so then it can be reanimated with ease, if not then I'm afraid it'll be with regret that it'll have to be walled off and disassembled.

Mmm, neglectful of this Blog I have been.

Well there are a few reasons for that. It's a combination of nothing really happening and me assessing if what has happened is suitable for shouting out into the dark void that the internet can be. I'll to summerise these events and my thoughts on them as best as I can.

So I went to the most recent Atheist's in the Pub which happened last thursday. Partly with the hope that Xena was there and partly because I always enjoy the social interaction and the talks that occur at these meetings. Well she was but while we got on fine I didn't get the same vibe that I got during our first interaction maybe I should have acted sooner and asked for her number and now she's kinna feeling detached and is reassessing the whole situation or maybe I misread the initial interaction and was projecting something onto her. I don't think so because I wasn't in the flirtatious mood when I set out that night as I don't tend to find girls I like when going to these meetings. Anyway I have added her on facebook and so it's not a total loss even if we end up being just friends.

I've begun my first week in the Computer Science course and while it's just the first week and everything is still up in the air I'm getting a fair Idea of what subjects I prefer over the others. The Programming module is definitely my favourite even though we've only had one lecture in it so far. I remember it from the first time around as just learning a way to tell the computer what to do and get it to do what you want. Maths strangely enough looks to be my weakest subject out of the gate and the one that I'll have to work on the most. The other subjects are: Communications, which is about essay writing, report writing, researching, proper citation and presentations, if it wasn't for Maths I'd say this would be the one I was least looking forward to. There is Computer Architecture, which as it sounds is about hardware and processors and the history of the physical aspects of the computer. This is all theory and notes mind you no hands on really. IT Fundamentals is another one, and that's about how IT interacts with companies and the business world. Programme Design is the final one but since we've not had that yet I can't say much about it. I think it's about pseudo code and thinking out the layout of your code and what you want it to do before you jump in and start coding.

I've found that my body clock has taken a bit of a whack as I'm not used to these early mornings. I find that I'm frequently tired when I get home despite the days not being particularly taxing as it's only the first week and all the lecturers are doing is giving the overview of the courses before we actually get down into anything.

In terms of social interaction with my new classmates well there's 80 of them and I've only been in 2 half arsed days (by both the students and the lecturers) but any chance I get that I'm sitting down next to someone I've not met before I always stick out my hand and introduce myself. Now I must confess I've forgotten 90% of their names within 20 mins of leaving that lecture as I'm terrible at remembering names but at least I'm making an effort to be friendly and they know that I'm a nice guy to go up and talk to, even if the most we'll see each other is if we happen to be assigned a project together. But you never know I might meet them if I join a society with them in or on one of my few and far between visit to the "college pub" (it's not strictly run by the college but it's the nearest one and students are pretty much all that go to it and so they do cheapish pints and pitcher deals).

Secularism/Skepticism what are they and what they mean to me

I noticed that I throw around the terms Secularism and Skepticism around without really explaining their meaning (both in the general sense and also what they mean to me). I'm sure this must be annoying for some of you who are reading this blog.

Secularism is the view that a government should not be swayed by religious arguments, use personal beliefs of the members when writing laws, nor should they show any favouritism towards any denomination whether by directly funding a state religion, by mentioning a state religion in laws or the constitution of the country or mentioning personal beliefs of the individuals when representing the state in public speeches or press conferences.

The most common knee-jerk reaction by the very religious upon hearing this is that it means "banning religion or religious expression" which isn't true, it means that the state must be neutral in matters of religion and mustn't show favouritism towards one or the other. Private citizens still have to right to religious beliefs and public gatherings expressing such beliefs , such as going to church, or a mosque etc. as are the members of the government in their private time as private citizens, it just means the government cannot hold a public prayer meeting because then they would have to invite representatives from every religion in the state to conduct prayers for their respective religions. This would be fair but a logistics nightmare so the only other 100% fair option is to simply stay out of the religious argument and if church X want to do a public prayer or fundraiser they are perfectly entitled to do so but won't be getting state funding or a state endorsement.

Skepticism is a movement that mostly (but not always) leads to Atheism but they aren't interchangeable terms or necessarily directly related (but tend to be). Skeptics tend to put quite a lot of weighting, on whether something is demonstrably true or not, on scientific evidence or the general consensus of the scientific community. The burden of proof lies with the individual or individuals who make an assertion and then the cogs of the scientific method and peer review are then set in motion. Some examples of things that have, and continue to fail the burden of proof are Homeopathy, Astrology, Psychics and any claims of a supernatural deity.

To me my Atheism is a natural progression of my scepticism as all Atheism means is "not-theism" or the rejection of the theistic claims. You might ask why would I go to these Atheist Ireland or Skeptics in the pub meetings? Do all we discuss is how we don't believe in god? no not at all, because that would be a bit stupid and awkward. We all have something in common just like if you were to join a book club or a photo club or a travel club, except these are social meetups and a chance to make friends with regular attendees, in fact I'd say it's better than these other clubs because there is simply no restrictions on what people discuss. You could wander from one conversation about what's in the cinema at the moment to whether cloud computing is a viable future to US politics (or even Irish politics) and that is the reason why I try to make events when I can.

People always say that life swings in roundabouts....

So I got a letter a few days ago telling me that I wasn't eligible for the back to education allowance which is an incentive for people on social welfare to go back to education to re-skill or to study and get a degree thus improving their overall job prospects. The rule that decided my fate, as it were, is a rule that I have to be on social welfare for at least 9 months or 234 working days before you begin the course in order to qualify. Their records show that I have accumulated 178 days and would still be short of the requirement when the course begins on the 17th of September.

It could be argued, and I know people who would hold the view, that I am only applied because I don't want to work during college and I like the prospect of continuing to get "free money" from the state and that I'm only going to university to have something to do during the day while I continue to "live off money they pay" as a tax payer. While they have a reasonable grasp of the consequences of what I applied for (at the time applying) they completely miss-judged my motivations for applying. I didn't enter into the process to avoid doing work. These nay sayers seem to forget that I did work part-time for over 4 years while studying on my previous course and so I know how it in combination with the long commute effected my ability to do the course.

I applied to avoid having to get a job out of necessity and to use the extra spare time to concentrate on any project or assignments I may be presented with. The amount I would be receiving on a weekly basis would be roughly comparable to what I receive now on social welfare, I believe I cannot receive social welfare while in full time education anyway. Of that weekly payment over half is going to a savings account in order to pay my fees (I'll have saved over 2000 by the time the course starts) leaving me with quite a modest amount each week as disposable income. This arrangement would have continued on the BTEA and certainly wouldn't be the picture of me getting free money to go out clubbing weekly or more often that I'm sure they envision. Now it seems that I need to get a part time job at the weekend (not an easy task in this economy which is the main reason I'm on social welfare to begin with) in order to equal the modest amount that I'd receive every week from the BTEA. If I can't find a job I don't know what I will do.

The concept of future financial uncertainty isn't a new one to me. For stages while I was in Canada it was the case and it severely effects any long term motivational goals you may have. Having a steady, reliable stream of income, no matter how modest it is, provides a sense of certainty into the future and thus you don't have to think "can I afford to meet up with my friends the weekend after next?" "can I afford that gig by a band I like next month?" let alone thinking about your love life and whether you can afford to go out dating or if you don't want to reveal your financial troubles to a girl in case she's completely put off by that and wants a guy who does have achievable long term goals and likes to go out occasionally for drinks or other social activities with her potential boy-friend. All you can do is to try and occupy your days with free activities to avoid spending the entire day indoors which I can tell you severely hinders your self esteem.

This does not bode well for any potential relationship with Xena.... Life does seem to hit you when you're down.

Is it these fleeting connections with humbling personalities that life is about?

Isn't it strange that when writing about matters of one’s interactions with unique members of the opposite sex that it naturally leads itself to the use of poetic language...

I'm reluctant to even publish this blog post and still may not but I simply had to write it down because I'm literally losing sleep over it and there's also the danger of "outing" something that may need mutual personalities to develop or dissolve if that's how things pan out. Or how much detail I should go in to.

So here it is. On the Thursday of my train journey home. I was aimlessly browsing facebook on a coin operated computer in the train station (my phone was dead and the wifi was an insult to the concept of itself), when I was reminded of an Atheist's in the Pub social meetup (run by Atheist Ireland, a group I have a lot of time for) was on that evening at half 7. It was about 5.20 at this stage and so getting home and back into the city would have been a tall order (try to imagine the two long lines of a triangle and you will get an idea of what I was attempting to do). I travelled home, dumped my bags in the hall (quite literally), showered, changed and then headed out again without any pause for a bite to eat.


I ended up arriving at about half 8, but as these events have open ended arrival times hardly any notice was given. I naturally had thought to procure a pint of Smithwicks (I fancied it that night for some reason) before heading upstairs to where the meetup was being held. Now there was a comedic  act by Abie Philbin Bowman that I walked in about half way through (sorry man) and two speakers talking about how and why they left their religions: Vahid Bokharaie who was raised as a Muslim in Iran, and Victor Diac who studied to be an Eastern Orthodox priest in Romania. All 3 were entertaining and informative.


Afterwards I found myself craving another pint so downstairs I went with the general flow of a few others who had the same idea. Upon opening the door into the bar I noticed this cute red head who looked over at me as I entered the bar part of the establishment. I smiled and either waved or nodded a greeting in her direction as I walked past to order another pint and I remember thinking "cute girl, must be one of the patrons just out for the night". As I was waiting for my drink I noticed she was talking to Vahid and was drinking an Irish Ale that I'd not heard of as it seemed to be a micro or small batch production brew. I was a bit surprised (albeit pleasantly) to find out that she was "one of us" or at least interested enough to strike up a conversion with one of us. At this stage I was just being pleasant as I just met the girl, let's call her Xena mainly as it has no correlation to her real name, and didn't know anything about her. We returned upstairs with our fresh pints and sat down at what seemed to be a freshly vacated table. This core 3 pretty much stayed in conversation for the rest of the night and we got into an unspoken rounds arrangement. 

The more I talked to this girl the more I found that our personalities and sense of humour just seemed to click she was an incredibly easy girl to talk to. Now not once did I bring up the subject of relationships or dating so I've no idea if she was single or not or even if she was interested in me but I got an unspoken vibe off her despite totally unrelated subjects that we were getting closer. Eventually bar staff told us to vacate the upstairs so we headed downstairs and, as I said before, the core 3 of us seemed to form in a corner and strike up a conversion again. I'm pretty sure I'd switched to Guinness at this stage and the conversations and mingling seemed to continue with various people sometimes coming over to us for a bit. I found that on more than one occasion she put her arm up on my shoulder as if to lean on it or to get comfortable. I'm not sure who started it, It may have well been me as I do it to my female friends or guy friends sometimes when out drinking as a kind of "you're all right, I get along with you" subtle affectionate move. But I remember at one stage we both had our arms on each other’s shoulder while talking to Vahid, which was strange considering I'd only met the girl a few hours beforehand. Now I do admit there was some subtle flirting and teasing going on on my part just to see how she would react but I didn't want to push it too far too soon. I also remember at one stage her telling me her age, 30, and that honestly threw me a wobblier and I nearly had to compose myself again. Not only had I assumed she was my age (she didn't look her age and I wasn't the only one to tell her that), but it had me doubting myself. 30? I can't date a 30 year old, can I? Why would a 30 year old even be interested in me? Am I mature both mentally and relationship experience wise to successfully enter a relationship with a 30 year old? Would she get bored or call me immature? All these and more were racing around my head.

Now in hindsight I probably should have made my feelings more clearly known but the truth is I didn't even know them to a full extent at the time and I still wasn't sure how she was handling it (I'm terrible at reading signs from girls). Sure we were getting on fine but in the back of my head I was thinking "you only just met this girl and there's people all around, you can't just give her a peck on the cheek". I also knew that I wanted to get in touch with this girl so I asked her to add me on facebook. My phone was at home charging due to the train journey and I suppose I subconsciously compartmentalised that in my head because the thought of asking for her phone number genuinely didn't occur to me, nor did giving mine. Not even with the potential tried and trusted solution of asking the bar man for a pen and paper. Nothing, Zilch. Facebook was the one trick pony I had.

As we were all departing and she was walking in the direction of what I presume was a taxi rank I called her back for a hug and I attempted to give her a kiss on the cheek but I'm pretty sure I mostly got hair. Now I'm left with the grim and paranoid realisation that the next Atheist Ireland event is in mid to late September and, although I'd love to meet up with her beforehand, I've no way of communicating with her, despite frantic searches on Facebook. So all I can do is wait till then and hope she turns up and not pissed off with me. Occasional searches of the Atheist Ireland group on Facebook may also help. 

You never know.

Back in Dublin, Thoughts on Kerry

I'm back in Dublin after my week away in Kerry. I set a goal for myself of trying to blog more often when I was over there but that didn't work out because I'd either be doing something else or be too tired when I got home. I'll try and summarise my experiences and the events in hindsight.

The typical day involved myself and my Dad getting up at 10am and driving down to the beach (about a half mile away as I described before so quite a short journey). We'd typically be the furthest house who participate so we call along the various other houses (about 3) to see who we can rouse from their slumbers and who's too hungover to open their eyes let alone move. Once we've rounded up what we can we go down to the beach in car convoy, granted the beach is close enough for you to walk down but we tend to use the cars for security of items like watches or phones and also they make a handy changing area. The sea would usually be cold to the unclimatised body, but the change in body temperature and the saltiness of the water is a perfect wake up call and it also sharpens a groggy head if we did manage to raise the hungover zombies.

After we dried and changed back into our dry clothes we'd return home for breakfast. The plan of the day is usually discussed at some stage during or immediately after the swim, If it's a walk it's usually not honed down as to which one out of the range that we've done in the past, so we typically say "meet back at X's house at 1 and we'll decide what we feel like". Sometimes golfing is the order of the day with all the uncles or some of them being tied up. In which case sometimes the cousins would decide on a plan for the day including possibly driving to another beach if it's a nice day or a trip into Dingle to  grab a few things/ potter around.

Dinner in my house was usually 7pm (6pm when in Dublin) and we'd either be left to our own devices in our individual houses or we've been invited to an uncles house/inviting them over or eating in the golf club if it's a special occasion or none of us feel like cooking. The evening/ after dinner events again range on what's going on. Of late I suppose as my parents and the others are getting older they tend not to go out to the pub as much but every week/ odd week there might be a presentation of prizes and then a sing song in the Golf Club. Naturally if we're over at an Aunt's/Uncle's house then the evenings entertainment is there (or if they're over with us), or sometimes we've dined separately but we get an invite for after dinner shenanigans (cheese and crackers and wine/beer and maybe a sing song or a board game) at one of their houses. Other times we have our quite evenings in just watching the 4 channels we have or reading a book (or browsing the net in my case).

I was thinking what do I get out of this annual Kerry trip besides meeting up with family (which is nearly worth it it by itself) while on the train back. I don't mean that in a negative way, I mean I do get a benefit but I was trying to categorise it and quantify it. After much thought I concluded that I enjoy the zen like quietness and the fresh air as well as the breath taking views that are seen on the walks and drives around. Also I get fresh top up of what it is to be Irish, there's such a sense of homeliness and welcome down there. Everyone seems to leave their work life busy personas behind and you can walk up to and chat to other people who likewise make the annual trip down.

Yesterday after arriving into Heuston station at about 5 I rushed home to dump my stuff, shower change and then head back out as there was an Atheist's in the pub meeting at half 7. I ended up being an hour late as it turns out but that was fine as these events tend to be casual about your arrival time. I had a blast but I also approached everything with more patience and a kind of settled serenity thanks to the  battery recharge I received while in Kerry. It was a good evening and I met quite a few personalities that I wouldn't mind meeting again (both male and female). Dunno what It was but maybe as my attitude was slightly less reserved and more comfortable with myself I suppose then that must've conveyed itself and I seemed to get along with people better. Whether this is a lasting change or will I soon retreat back into the persona of before I don't know. I hope it's the former because I found myself getting along with a few of the girls that were there like I've not been able to get along with girls in a while which is a good potential for recurring meetings.

Windows 8, my thoughts and the leaked RTM

I downloaded the supposed Windows 8 RTM release that was leaked to the torrent sites and I installed it in Virtual Box to kick the tires a bit. This isn't my first experimentation with Window 8 as I've had a look at the developer preview and I think the consumer preview also. I'm not sure if there was one after that, there's references on the 'net about a “release preview” I don't know if that's new MS talk for an RC or what.

I downloaded it and installed it (which went slightly faster then I expected). The installation prompted me for my “Microsoft Account” now I had one from the MSN days (approx 2000 when I got it) but I was being spammed out of it on that account so started afresh with a live.com address a few years back. I only really use it for MSN chat these days but even that has been taken over by facebook chat. Email is tried and trusted Gmail. Anyway, I inputed the live.com account details and that was fine, installation went ahead. I noticed that this is your user account and password for accessing Windows 8 which is a huge leap into the relms of cloud computing ala Chrome OS.

The UI (Metro), seems to be responsive and fast but it just isn't designed with a mouse in mind. You can navigate using a mouse but it seems to be an after thought and not the main focus. All the apps are fullscreen with touch friendly toggles and a universal Metro UI/Windows Phone/Zune look about them. There is also a “desktop” interface which is pretty much a carbon copy of the Windows 7 desktop but without the start menu. The full screen Metro tiles UI is the start screen which makes it incredably touch screen friendly but fairly useless with the tradional mouse and keyboard input methods. I'm sure there are substantial behide the scenes updates with Windows 8 vs Windows 7 and I am told it is possible to install a 3rd party start menu on the desktop for a more tradional Windows 7 like experience.

Overall I'd not recommend it unless you had it on a tablet or some other touch input device. Windows 7 will continue to get updates and you can always give linux a go if you have a itch about changing Windows 7.

Train Journey

Well, todays events went quite interestingly. I persuaded myself that skipping sleeping last night was a good idea in order to gain time to pack and clean the house which wasn't going to take much time anyway and to be honest while I did the general bulk of the tasks I needed to do I forgo the hovering and a few minor things like that because “meh, it'll be only a week and I'll be the first one back by a long shot .... right?” well in all likelyhood that is indeed going to be true but there's always the niggling doubt that one of my parents has to rush back to Dublin during the week and to find the house not quite in a heep but still in a slightly “lived in” state, depite the lack of occupants.

I was assured that there'd be free wifi and a socket convenient to every seat for the modern “IT centric” passenger (paraphasing). So I packed for the jounery with this in mind with two freshly downloaded movies if the vast array of internet entertainment options didn't hold my attention for the sum 4 hour train journey. There is indeed wifi but it's worse then dial up and I'm having a lot more success connecting to the hive mind with my phone and it's 3g connection. Then that brings me to the power outlet. They exist but only at the two ends of the carrage. I could turn my phone into a wifi hotspot but I'm getting by fine writing this up in Libre Office and then I'll upload it when I can get a reliable internet connection which could be my return to Dublin..... the joys of rural Ireland.

Anyway I was soon overcome with the desire to sleep and by my estimates (entirely subjective and nowhere near reliable) I got a good hours powernap in. The whole time I was concious of another booked but strangely vacent seat beside me and I cetainly didn't want to impeed on that space in my sleep just in case the guy (guessing from the name although it wasn't irish and sounded eastern european) got on at a later station. Thankfully this didn't happen and I suppose in a way thankfully he didn't get on. I've now transferred to the last bit of the Journey which is on a smaller but still comfortable train which does have conventient power because both my laptop and my phone were on their last legs battery wise. The intercity train fleet have come on leaps and bounds in the past 5 years as before they were barely maintaining an aging fleet that were bought in the 80s by the looks of things and were a hidious orange and black colour skeem.

I'm looking forward to this trip with optimism as I'll be meeting up with family with a handful I would nearly consider pseudo-siblings.

I will try and keep the discipline of a regular account of the goings on even if I end up writting them up as word files and then uploading them en mass when I return to Dublin which I'm sure will not be an information over load at all :P It'll all depend on how reliable the 3g signal is on my phone down at the summer house. My parents use a 3G dongle from the same company and that seems to be working for them fine so in theory it should work but real life rarely works like that. For example they could have more powerful 3g modems in the dongles then Samsung as put in my Galaxy S2, which is entirely plausable....

Edit: the 3G signal seems fine in my room upstairs and I'm able to convert the phone to a portable hotspot for my laptop. Battery life shouldn't be a concern as I've a double socket in my room. I'll try and make posts when some eventful things happen or I'll meld a few (or more) days together in one post if not much is happening.

Dating and other stuff

So this past while I've been making an effort to get out of the rut that is the life on social welfare and get out and try new things/ socialise with my friends more aaaand probably spending alot more then I should in the process.

In terms of the online dating scene I've been semi active out of part boredom and part desire to expand my social circle and go out and meet up with girls I would never have considered meeting up with before. There was one girl who was quite cute, she was a month "off the boat" from Japan and when I sent out a message asking if she wanted to meet up she replied with "Hi, I'm new to the city and I don't know where to hand in a tax form" paraphrasing but that was the gist of it. I was thinking "a bit unusual but sure if we actually sit down for something to eat for a chat after", nothing really became of it like with most of these encounters but that was one of the more unique suggestion for an activity to do.

A more recent one (only last night) was an Irish girl, who is training to be a midwife and so has a very busy work schedule. So we meet up at a pub that I know does good food and beer. I was quite tired as I had significantly less sleep then I'm used to the night before, I don't think it was that detectable but maybe that in combination with the beer may have given the impression I was drunker/creepier then I was, or maybe this is my paranoia.... Anyway, I found myself doing a lot of the talking, not out of nerves but because my lady friend didn't seem to be that enthused about any subject much. I tried a lot of subjects and tactics and some of them would work and she'd be talking for a about 4-5 sentences but then would stop and didn't seem to ask me questions back much. This was weird, because we seemed to get along fine when sending messages on the site. Anyway it was what it was and I'm in no way ruling out meeting up again and hopefully that would go better or maybe she only does one date "trials" and if it kinna goes a bit flat (which it did, I'm sorry to say) then that's it she moves on to the next guy... if that's the case then I respect that and it's understandable. I've not given up looking just because I wouldn't mind another meeting with this girl, so at least I'm keeping my options open if she's not interested in meeting again.

Anyway on a totally unrelated note, tomorrow I'm off to my annual week long trip down to my parents summer house in Dingle, Co. Kerry. It's kind of a traditional family thing as a lot of my aunts and uncles on my dad's side will be down there and hopefully quite a few of my first cousins also as I would consider some of them almost like additional siblings. It's incredibly picturesque down there and there's a beach within a half mile walk from the house. It's quite large and although wouldn't be considered private, on a normal day you might only see a few locals walking their dogs and that's it. Of course on sunny days it tends to fill up with people on beach towels. A lot of my uncles/aunts/significant others of them/ cousins would be major golfers and there's a links course that's about a half mile in the other direction to the beach, this tends to fill up the mundane/ slightly cloudy days down there but on a nice day sometimes a road walk or a hike up one of the hills or mountains that surround the area. It's very remote down there, the night life consists of going around to one of the houses with the cousins for drink/ sing-a-long with the cousins (and I mean proper songs not camp-fire bull shit) or an occasional trip out to the village which is a mile or two away. It consists of a shop (used to be two, don't know if it re opened as I've not been down there in about 2 years) 3 pubs and one pub that became a hotel with new owners and a complete knock and re-build but still keeps the lower floor as a pub, a post office, a cafe and a primary school. You'd want to go to Dingle (we're about 6 kms away) if you want something more commercial with a DJ or jukebox. There's a ton of pubs there (some late-bars) and one nightclub. I'll have significantly less to spend then usual, as I'm not working and the return train ticket cost me 55 euro, so I think I'll limit myself to going over to one of the houses if there's something on on any given night.

I'll bring my camera and tripod in case just by some chance we get decent weather down there. Also the views from the top of the mountains can be quite beautiful if the weather breaks for a sec (which chances are it'll be fine if it's "walking weather").

Dating...

So I'm sitting here browsing the web while sipping a few cans (on my 2nd, more possibly to follow). Not with any view to get drunk but just to mellow out at my own pace while I casually browse facebook, youtube, tech blogs and whatever else takes my fancy. As I'm doing this I see quite attractive girls from my past (who've thankfully not befriended me) post status updates and photos as I'm passively letting my news feed wash over me.

This brings me the thoughts that I'm altogether disillusioned by the whole dating scene. Mostly, I suspect, because I am woefully ill equipped for these sort of things. I know people who thrive at the game like it's a natural extension of their personality, or at least put enough effort into learning it as they would a sport or profession. Myself? call it a flaw if you will but I'm a passive rather then an active dater or at least any time I've tried to be an active dater I've failed miserably. Composing sonnets? Comparing the object of my affections lips to red roses and their eyes to endless blue oceans that I could get lost in eternity?  Do I object to such language? No I find it wonderfully descriptive, but I'm not so bold as to profess my affections like such in public. It'd make me feel hugely self conscious.

Dating sites while useful for seeing that yes there are attractive girls with which, on paper, I should get on with like a house on fire. They are am sure bombarded with messages from suitors on a daily basis and while I feel that what I write, when I send them a message, accurately reflects who I am. I'm sure it's as unique to them as a piece of gravel on a driveway. The solution, so guys are told by other guys (which is always the primary source of knowledge on these things, rightly or wrongly) is to stand out, be slightly obnoxious, as the girl won't be expecting that. "It works!" so they claim "sure fire, tried and trusted method!" they always sound like snake oil salesmen from the 1850s. This maybe true, you may get a girl to think "wait, he's not showering me with complements, that makes me want to go out with him to find out more" The thing is with this is it makes guys like me disillusioned with the dating process.

I'm not a complete hermit. As I said, I'm just not an active dater. I'll strike up a conversation with any girls in my immediate vicinity when out and about or going to parties. And if they're not interested or we've nothing in common then that's ok it's not my primary purpose for being there. Alas, if only all this was much simpler.

Next Photo Walk I plan to attend

I'm attending a Meetup with PHOTO WALK http://meetu.ps/dNrqH

General recap of the last while.

Ugh, It's been months since my last blog post so this one maybe a bit long and disorganised.

I was on Linux Mint 13 Mate for quite a few months and so would have no complaints over the stability or functionality. It's quite snappy and responsive in it's Mate guise, I've talked about it at length either here or on itchyhippo.com so I won't go into much details about that now.

By the way, as a little aside, I've not heard sight nor sound from Andrew from Itchyhippo in months (could be part of the reason why I haven't posted here much, as I've not really thought about writing for either, it just hasn't occurred to me much). To those who wonder if I know him in real life or if we've met, well sorry to disappoint but it's a no on both counts. I was one of his subscribers on youtube because I thought it was refreshing to hear an Irish voice doing tech tutorials and linux distro reviews, and when he asked did anyone want to write for his site I applied, directed him towards here to give him an idea of my writing style and luckily enough was accepted. He's a nice down to earth bloke but I've not met him, no, haha.

Anyway back to what semblance of a track I have laid out for this blog post, ah yes! Linux Mint! well I must confess that I am back to Windows 7, not because of a specific programme that I have to use (though I may have to do that when I go back to college, did I mention that in the past? well if I didn't I've applied to DIT to do a 4 year course in Computer Science and I've been accepted), no it was in part inertia and other parts trying unsuccessfully to flash a new rom to my newly acquired Galaxy s2.

What else have I been up to? well as you know I've been kind of dabbling in photography on and off this past while and I thought I'd put a bit more structure around the pursuit. So I had a look at meetup.com to see if there are any regular photo meetups in Dublin. Turns out there are a few, so I settled on one called "Dublin photo walk" and the results of my first meetup with them I posted here a few weeks ago for your viewing pleasure.

A few nights ago I saw the new American Pie movie and although I'm nowhere near the age of the characters portrayed in said film, it kinna made me feel sentimental about my youth and also made me think about a few of the girls who I probably could/should have dated but due to my deftness in matters of the heart at the time being similar to a camel in ice skates, I messed up more then one chance with them. I'd love to meet up over lunch with a couple of the more special ones sometime and maybe assure them that I'm not the dick they probably think I am (or more accurately am no longer, I hope) even if they're seeing someone and we depart as friends I'd at least like to chat with them and catch up. It also made me think when our reunion would be. Let me think, we're class of '05 and the first one would maybe be the 10 year? that would place it at 2015, barely 3 years away! Bloody hell does that make me feel old! It'd be nice to catch a few beers with some of the lads (though I've not really lost touch with some of them), and also the girls! not just the one's who I wouldn't considered dating back then but also just in general to see where they are in their life. I know some have married and had kids (boy does that really make me feel old).

Until next time (whenever that may be) I bid you adieu.

Dublin Photo Walk 22/06/2012

Bless me father for I have sinned, It's been a month since my last blog post

So what have I been up to? surprisingly not a lot hence the lack of posts. I'm on the dole so no interesting anecdotes from a daily grind of a job. The odd social weekly meetup with friends and the semi- regular skeptics/atheist's in the pub has permeated the dullness of being at home a lot and not spending much. I got away with the 401 being in my account last month (just about). That was cutting it very fine.

My birthday was a few days ago on Saturday. I turned 26 and I don't really feel that age. I don't know if it part of me is afraid I'll lose the childhood freedoms of going on a weekly bender with friends, but then again I can't really afford to and even if I did only one of my friends seems to be going out every week! and he's a few months older then me! On the birthday note my Mom has re-engaged her continued battle to get me to take up driving lessons by offering to make a "contribution" towards lessons which I think is her way of saying she'll pay for them as I she know's I'm in no position to pay for them myself, she also provided the very tempting alternative of money to spend as I wish. I'm not opposed to the idea of driving, I like cars. I like watching car related tv shows like Top Gear, Fifth Gear and Drive on you tube but at this moment in life with me possibly facing 4 more years in 3rd level doing Computer Science in September I'm thinking I'd rather have the money and save for a laptop with portability and a decent battery life. My current 2-3 year old one is fine on specs (core i5, 4gb ram) and especially as I'm currently running Linux on it, but at 15.6" it's a tad big for lugging to and from college and the battery life is terrible (2-3 hours when new and now I'm lucky to get an hour). So I'm faced with getting lessons now that I mightn't really use for the next for years as I certainly can't see myself being able to afford fees and the purchase and upkeep up of a car (even a 10 year old, solid as a rock, honda civic). So for me a new laptop would be a better investment. I am going into IT after all and it would be used for the course project work.

Bit of an update in general

Ok in my last post (a few weeks ago at this stage) I said I was liking 12.04 in general but didn't really have the best of luck with the AMD graphics drivers, well I remember trying out Xubuntu (ubuntu with XFCE interface) a few years ago and ended up liking the lightweight nature of it alot. It's a more light weight UI and running environment then the likes of Unity and Gnome 3 but since it's still ubuntu 12.04 it gets all the updates that the Ubuntu team release. I must say I like that I can install all the same programmes that I would normally but the desktop environment never really gets in the way with effects and eye candy. Don't get me wrong the eye candy has it's appeal (I have eyes that can be candied :P) but I've found out that I like responsiveness and multitasking more. Sure there's the argument that my specs (core i5, 4gb ram) are overkill for Xubuntu and other lightweight distros, but it just means it's all the more responsive.

As for my adventures with LMDE (Linux Mint Debian Edition) well I did indeed install it in virtual box, and although I am quite taken by the nostalgia trip that is Mate and the retro/modern Cinnamon and was sorely tempted to switch over and may still yet (so sue me, I do this sometimes before I settle) but the idea of reinstalling all my apps, themes, music etc is holding me back and as I've said I'm quite happy with xubuntu for the time being at least. Mate has finally matured to be 90% of what I remember gnome 2 to be (not bad for a 1.2 release) and Cinnamon is quite compelling also.

As for my long leave of absence well my parents left me to my own devices for two weeks and between social nights in Dublin city (of which there were at least 3 if not 4) and being lazy and ordering pizza a few too many times then I should have I ended up just about getting away with it. I've a few accounts and 400 is supposed to go into a savings account on the same day every month (it's automatic there's no flex in it) and anyway I've about 401 in my current account now and won't get more till Tuesday (yep that's how fine I've cut it). I can "borrow" 50 from that savings account till Tuesday to tide me over the weekend. It was a close call but it looks like I might get away with it. Well my parents don't check my account balances, as long as I have an X amount of savings by September (college fees) I should be ok and between my two savings accounts I'll be on track as long as that 400 a month never gets interrupted.

My OS transitions at the moment, Why I am a serial Distro hopper.

Ok I was back on Windows 7 for about a month. I don't hate Windows 7 and am not bashing it, I totally see it's uses and it's appeal but It also has it's bad points just like any OS (the anti virus prompts for one though I recommend Avast free). But anyway 12.04 beta 1 caught my eye and I thought I'd take the plunge and wipe/install. I've been using it for a while now and first impressions were I liked the core but it was rough around the edges (beta so I'm forgiving of that). Updates seem to be coming in every other day, these include major kernel updates (3.0 to 3.2) and an update to beta 2. Stability fine, it seems to have settled down and the updates helped a lot. It's very quick and snappy and is quite an improvement from what I remember of 11.10, the final build will be quite a release if these betas are anything to go by.

The AMD GPU drivers on the other hand have been hit or miss and mostly miss. I have got artifacts and a few glitches, so I tried to install the latest drivers off their website and after a few system updates and a reboot (over a few days) it switched to unity 2D and there was nothing I seemed to do that worked. The worst was booting to a white screen when I tried to uninstall and transition to the default drivers. Luckily I still had the dvd with the iso image on it so I wiped and re-installed and this time ignored the extra drivers and went with the out if the box x.org drivers. This seemed to be fine for a while (a week or so) but today after updates this too has reverted to unity 2D without warning (again after a reboot). Now don't get me wrong unity 2D is perfectly usable and functional but I can't help feeling that if my laptop can handle the extras (which it does easily) then I should be getting them.

Anyway, today while on reddit I saw that Linux Mint Debian Edition has just been released with update 4 and I thought I'd torrent the iso (this is legal they provide the links on their site) and check it out. This introduces Cinnamon 1.4, Mate 1.2 and a whole rake of other changes. Now I have used Cinnamon in the past on Mint 12 (by installing it manually) and liked it a lot. I like the idea of a rolling release like LMDE but will prob get itchy feet after a while and switch up when either 12.04 final comes out or Mint 13. I have in the past preferred the Ubuntu based Mint distros rather then the straight Debian editions but we shall see with this release. I'll have a poke around with it in Virtual Box but am unsure as of yet if I will replace 12.04 with it.

I will post an update on my thoughts soon and am considering doing an ItchyHippo review on LMDE update 4 (though this isn't written in stone and would prob take longer). I am downloading both the Gnome and XFCE 64bit versions at the moment and will share my thoughts on both and which one I prefer.

Photos of Malahide Marina in the sun

It's been an interesting week

Well, it's been an interesting week. Uncles came up for the Ireland vs Scotland rugby match on Saturday. A ticket I was told was set aside for me and my dad I was told on the Thursday before. But then another uncle put his name in the pot and of course I had to voluntarily give up my ticket so the brothers could have a night of it. We were in the pub before they got the Dart to Lansdowne Road and it was suggested that I'd walk home and watch the match there. I didn't of course, I stayed in the pub to watch the welsh and then the Irish match and then they came back and found me propped up against the bar chatting to the bar men. They then stayed for a few more, as though I was bad I wasn't as bad as I should've been after the amount of pints I had (I'm guessing 8-9 at this stage). I'd say it was well over 10 if not 15 by the time be were ready for the chipper and the walk home! As you can well imagine the following morning/afternoon was fun! I had awoken a few times with trips to the loo and desperate cotton mouth during the night. Anyways, they all departed bar one that day (following the match) and we went out with the remaining uncle to dine out on the Sunday night.


During the week was pretty uneventful but I had applied to write tech related articles for Itchyhippo.com. It's not paid (nor would I expect it to be as the guy is maintaining it when he gets a spare moment with study and work). But I was rattling a few ideas as to what to write for my first post over the weekend and during the week. I eventually did settle on a few things and wrote the bones of it on Wednesday. Thurday I did the proof reading a refinements with sentence structure, grammar, spelling etc. (something I don't always do here haha) and today it's up for the world to see!


Last night I went to an Atheists in the Pub meeting to which I'm a semi-regular visitor (depending on money and the timing). Which was good to catch up with a few of the regulars and mouth off at the catholic conservatives who appeared on the RTE's Frontline along with Michael Nugent (Chairperson) and Jane Donnelly (Education Officer) of Atheist Ireland. Both were at the social gathering and laughs were had all 'round. I'm also a Semi regular attendee at the Dublin Skeptics in the Pub and their other social events and organised meetings/lectures as well as a listener to their podcast the skeprecauns (as you can tell if you've read my past blog posts). I find it good to have these brief sojourns outside my usual social circles as it's not only expanding my social circle but it means I can discuss subject that I mightn't if I was amongst some of my friends as I don't always know their comfort level with all subjects of conversation.

Long time no Posts

Well hey there. It's been a while. Over christmas (which is another rambley topic by itself) I was busy with the festivities and the like. I was also actively job searching and getting organised to send off a CAO application as a mature student to do Computer Science in DIT as I feel it's as close to my carrier calling as I am going to get (what with being into nerdy gadgets and IT). I am also semi into photography as a hobby but have lacked the motivation to pursue it as of late. Alas, the job hunting didn't work out and am currently on social welfare which has taken a while to get used to. I have been attending Skeptics in the pub gatherings on a semi regular basis or when I can as it's good to get out of the house and also I've really kinna fallen into that social circle as skeptics tend to be into science and thus are kinna geeky/nerdy which means we tend to have a few things in common. And even if they're not then we at least have the pursuit of evidence based truth in common.

My dad is of the interpretation of late that the universe is a collective intelligence, it's all connected at the atomic and subatomic level and all somehow centred around carbon as that's the most readily bonded molecule. He saw a clip on YouTube there recently that showed Prof. Brian Cox heating a diamond with his and explaining that he was altering the atomic energy levels by heating them, he then went on to say that all the electrons in all the atoms in the diamond had to alter their state accordingly and not only that that every atom in the universe had to do so. Of course dad saw this as confirming his theory. He goes around talking about what is god and what is intelligence, any time this comes up. He'll argue that atoms and their electrons are god and intelligent and it's all interconnected. ANY way moving on. I get along with him grand until he cracks on about this stuff. He's retired and has a lot of time to think.

My mom on the other hand is a defensive catholic. By that I mean "...and why can't people believe this?" "don't people have the right to believe whatever they want?" "there's nothing wrong with it!". A bit of back story here. My grandmother (mom's mother) was a typical Irish catholic grandmother. Crucifixes around the house, holywater sponges, blessed herself and prayed every time she saw a church or a gaveyard, would say "holy mother save us" every time someone cursed or deaths were on the news... you know the type. Anyway mom took her mental deterioration and death very hard and I guess her holding onto the catholic concepts (even though she's not a practising catholic by any means) is her way of holding onto her memory of her mother and any argument that would lead her to think otherwise would be an insult to her memory of her mother and that she'd have to let go and move on. So broadly she supports my secular views as I can do and think what I like but if I try to "convert" her nooo then she gets defensive hence the "defensive catholic" label. I'd say she'd an atheist/secularist in denial but doesn't want to question it herself.