Procrastination and love life

In college lately I've been floundering of late, doing the bare minimum (and sometimes not even that) watching the weeks wash over me and not doing very much about it . It's entirely my fault and I have disillusioned myself into thinking I was doing ok or that this approach would cause me to succeed. While the continuous assessment aspect of it isn't the main chunk of the marks (the end of semester exams are) they are certainly handy marks to have in the bag that I've been neglecting. My attendance has also semi suffered, or sometimes I'll attend just for the signing in and then spend the class doing nothing more productive than chatting on facebook or browsing sites like Reddit, Engadget and Gizmodo.

Is this the approach that I wanted? Well no but it's sort of just happened and I think both my parents and my friends in college have started to notice. I'll really have to turn this around or risk repeating half my exams in August. I guess I've been disillusioning myself that I had more of a safety net than I thought or more time than I thought to turn this train to the bottom around.

On a more positive note, I've come across a pretty cute and cool girl who's over here on a working visa for a year. Is she partly responsible for the above? I suppose you could argue subconsciously she may have had an influence. Do I hold her responsible in any shape or form? Certainly not! She's one of the few positive things in my life at the moment. We've been going on "dates" on Tuesdays these past few weeks and have been chatting on facebook and texting in-between. I guess you could say she's been a distraction from my studies and if she somehow ends up reading this, it's my fault for not finding a balance between the two aspects of my life and I'll turn the academic side around if solely for my self development. I've just let it catch up on me a bit. I've really come to look forward to these "dates", she has stated that she doesn't want anything serious as she's only here for the year and mightn't even be in Dublin for the entire year. I've felt a connection between us that's more than just friends, it might be presumptuous to assume this, but I feel she's felt it too. It might end up as a "friends with benefits" arrangement or friends who don't mind fooling around with each other if they so desire.

I guess this has been a bit of a distraction from my studies if I'm perfectly honest and to continue being honest, I sort of let it be. But now that I know about it I can hopefully put measures in place to turn it around. Hopefully not to the detriment of either.

Also as a passing thought, it'd probably be best if she doesn't read this till at least much later.... haha.

Is it these fleeting connections with humbling personalities that life is about?

Isn't it strange that when writing about matters of one’s interactions with unique members of the opposite sex that it naturally leads itself to the use of poetic language...

I'm reluctant to even publish this blog post and still may not but I simply had to write it down because I'm literally losing sleep over it and there's also the danger of "outing" something that may need mutual personalities to develop or dissolve if that's how things pan out. Or how much detail I should go in to.

So here it is. On the Thursday of my train journey home. I was aimlessly browsing facebook on a coin operated computer in the train station (my phone was dead and the wifi was an insult to the concept of itself), when I was reminded of an Atheist's in the Pub social meetup (run by Atheist Ireland, a group I have a lot of time for) was on that evening at half 7. It was about 5.20 at this stage and so getting home and back into the city would have been a tall order (try to imagine the two long lines of a triangle and you will get an idea of what I was attempting to do). I travelled home, dumped my bags in the hall (quite literally), showered, changed and then headed out again without any pause for a bite to eat.


I ended up arriving at about half 8, but as these events have open ended arrival times hardly any notice was given. I naturally had thought to procure a pint of Smithwicks (I fancied it that night for some reason) before heading upstairs to where the meetup was being held. Now there was a comedic  act by Abie Philbin Bowman that I walked in about half way through (sorry man) and two speakers talking about how and why they left their religions: Vahid Bokharaie who was raised as a Muslim in Iran, and Victor Diac who studied to be an Eastern Orthodox priest in Romania. All 3 were entertaining and informative.


Afterwards I found myself craving another pint so downstairs I went with the general flow of a few others who had the same idea. Upon opening the door into the bar I noticed this cute red head who looked over at me as I entered the bar part of the establishment. I smiled and either waved or nodded a greeting in her direction as I walked past to order another pint and I remember thinking "cute girl, must be one of the patrons just out for the night". As I was waiting for my drink I noticed she was talking to Vahid and was drinking an Irish Ale that I'd not heard of as it seemed to be a micro or small batch production brew. I was a bit surprised (albeit pleasantly) to find out that she was "one of us" or at least interested enough to strike up a conversion with one of us. At this stage I was just being pleasant as I just met the girl, let's call her Xena mainly as it has no correlation to her real name, and didn't know anything about her. We returned upstairs with our fresh pints and sat down at what seemed to be a freshly vacated table. This core 3 pretty much stayed in conversation for the rest of the night and we got into an unspoken rounds arrangement. 

The more I talked to this girl the more I found that our personalities and sense of humour just seemed to click she was an incredibly easy girl to talk to. Now not once did I bring up the subject of relationships or dating so I've no idea if she was single or not or even if she was interested in me but I got an unspoken vibe off her despite totally unrelated subjects that we were getting closer. Eventually bar staff told us to vacate the upstairs so we headed downstairs and, as I said before, the core 3 of us seemed to form in a corner and strike up a conversion again. I'm pretty sure I'd switched to Guinness at this stage and the conversations and mingling seemed to continue with various people sometimes coming over to us for a bit. I found that on more than one occasion she put her arm up on my shoulder as if to lean on it or to get comfortable. I'm not sure who started it, It may have well been me as I do it to my female friends or guy friends sometimes when out drinking as a kind of "you're all right, I get along with you" subtle affectionate move. But I remember at one stage we both had our arms on each other’s shoulder while talking to Vahid, which was strange considering I'd only met the girl a few hours beforehand. Now I do admit there was some subtle flirting and teasing going on on my part just to see how she would react but I didn't want to push it too far too soon. I also remember at one stage her telling me her age, 30, and that honestly threw me a wobblier and I nearly had to compose myself again. Not only had I assumed she was my age (she didn't look her age and I wasn't the only one to tell her that), but it had me doubting myself. 30? I can't date a 30 year old, can I? Why would a 30 year old even be interested in me? Am I mature both mentally and relationship experience wise to successfully enter a relationship with a 30 year old? Would she get bored or call me immature? All these and more were racing around my head.

Now in hindsight I probably should have made my feelings more clearly known but the truth is I didn't even know them to a full extent at the time and I still wasn't sure how she was handling it (I'm terrible at reading signs from girls). Sure we were getting on fine but in the back of my head I was thinking "you only just met this girl and there's people all around, you can't just give her a peck on the cheek". I also knew that I wanted to get in touch with this girl so I asked her to add me on facebook. My phone was at home charging due to the train journey and I suppose I subconsciously compartmentalised that in my head because the thought of asking for her phone number genuinely didn't occur to me, nor did giving mine. Not even with the potential tried and trusted solution of asking the bar man for a pen and paper. Nothing, Zilch. Facebook was the one trick pony I had.

As we were all departing and she was walking in the direction of what I presume was a taxi rank I called her back for a hug and I attempted to give her a kiss on the cheek but I'm pretty sure I mostly got hair. Now I'm left with the grim and paranoid realisation that the next Atheist Ireland event is in mid to late September and, although I'd love to meet up with her beforehand, I've no way of communicating with her, despite frantic searches on Facebook. So all I can do is wait till then and hope she turns up and not pissed off with me. Occasional searches of the Atheist Ireland group on Facebook may also help. 

You never know.

Dating and other stuff

So this past while I've been making an effort to get out of the rut that is the life on social welfare and get out and try new things/ socialise with my friends more aaaand probably spending alot more then I should in the process.

In terms of the online dating scene I've been semi active out of part boredom and part desire to expand my social circle and go out and meet up with girls I would never have considered meeting up with before. There was one girl who was quite cute, she was a month "off the boat" from Japan and when I sent out a message asking if she wanted to meet up she replied with "Hi, I'm new to the city and I don't know where to hand in a tax form" paraphrasing but that was the gist of it. I was thinking "a bit unusual but sure if we actually sit down for something to eat for a chat after", nothing really became of it like with most of these encounters but that was one of the more unique suggestion for an activity to do.

A more recent one (only last night) was an Irish girl, who is training to be a midwife and so has a very busy work schedule. So we meet up at a pub that I know does good food and beer. I was quite tired as I had significantly less sleep then I'm used to the night before, I don't think it was that detectable but maybe that in combination with the beer may have given the impression I was drunker/creepier then I was, or maybe this is my paranoia.... Anyway, I found myself doing a lot of the talking, not out of nerves but because my lady friend didn't seem to be that enthused about any subject much. I tried a lot of subjects and tactics and some of them would work and she'd be talking for a about 4-5 sentences but then would stop and didn't seem to ask me questions back much. This was weird, because we seemed to get along fine when sending messages on the site. Anyway it was what it was and I'm in no way ruling out meeting up again and hopefully that would go better or maybe she only does one date "trials" and if it kinna goes a bit flat (which it did, I'm sorry to say) then that's it she moves on to the next guy... if that's the case then I respect that and it's understandable. I've not given up looking just because I wouldn't mind another meeting with this girl, so at least I'm keeping my options open if she's not interested in meeting again.

Anyway on a totally unrelated note, tomorrow I'm off to my annual week long trip down to my parents summer house in Dingle, Co. Kerry. It's kind of a traditional family thing as a lot of my aunts and uncles on my dad's side will be down there and hopefully quite a few of my first cousins also as I would consider some of them almost like additional siblings. It's incredibly picturesque down there and there's a beach within a half mile walk from the house. It's quite large and although wouldn't be considered private, on a normal day you might only see a few locals walking their dogs and that's it. Of course on sunny days it tends to fill up with people on beach towels. A lot of my uncles/aunts/significant others of them/ cousins would be major golfers and there's a links course that's about a half mile in the other direction to the beach, this tends to fill up the mundane/ slightly cloudy days down there but on a nice day sometimes a road walk or a hike up one of the hills or mountains that surround the area. It's very remote down there, the night life consists of going around to one of the houses with the cousins for drink/ sing-a-long with the cousins (and I mean proper songs not camp-fire bull shit) or an occasional trip out to the village which is a mile or two away. It consists of a shop (used to be two, don't know if it re opened as I've not been down there in about 2 years) 3 pubs and one pub that became a hotel with new owners and a complete knock and re-build but still keeps the lower floor as a pub, a post office, a cafe and a primary school. You'd want to go to Dingle (we're about 6 kms away) if you want something more commercial with a DJ or jukebox. There's a ton of pubs there (some late-bars) and one nightclub. I'll have significantly less to spend then usual, as I'm not working and the return train ticket cost me 55 euro, so I think I'll limit myself to going over to one of the houses if there's something on on any given night.

I'll bring my camera and tripod in case just by some chance we get decent weather down there. Also the views from the top of the mountains can be quite beautiful if the weather breaks for a sec (which chances are it'll be fine if it's "walking weather").

Dating...

So I'm sitting here browsing the web while sipping a few cans (on my 2nd, more possibly to follow). Not with any view to get drunk but just to mellow out at my own pace while I casually browse facebook, youtube, tech blogs and whatever else takes my fancy. As I'm doing this I see quite attractive girls from my past (who've thankfully not befriended me) post status updates and photos as I'm passively letting my news feed wash over me.

This brings me the thoughts that I'm altogether disillusioned by the whole dating scene. Mostly, I suspect, because I am woefully ill equipped for these sort of things. I know people who thrive at the game like it's a natural extension of their personality, or at least put enough effort into learning it as they would a sport or profession. Myself? call it a flaw if you will but I'm a passive rather then an active dater or at least any time I've tried to be an active dater I've failed miserably. Composing sonnets? Comparing the object of my affections lips to red roses and their eyes to endless blue oceans that I could get lost in eternity?  Do I object to such language? No I find it wonderfully descriptive, but I'm not so bold as to profess my affections like such in public. It'd make me feel hugely self conscious.

Dating sites while useful for seeing that yes there are attractive girls with which, on paper, I should get on with like a house on fire. They are am sure bombarded with messages from suitors on a daily basis and while I feel that what I write, when I send them a message, accurately reflects who I am. I'm sure it's as unique to them as a piece of gravel on a driveway. The solution, so guys are told by other guys (which is always the primary source of knowledge on these things, rightly or wrongly) is to stand out, be slightly obnoxious, as the girl won't be expecting that. "It works!" so they claim "sure fire, tried and trusted method!" they always sound like snake oil salesmen from the 1850s. This maybe true, you may get a girl to think "wait, he's not showering me with complements, that makes me want to go out with him to find out more" The thing is with this is it makes guys like me disillusioned with the dating process.

I'm not a complete hermit. As I said, I'm just not an active dater. I'll strike up a conversation with any girls in my immediate vicinity when out and about or going to parties. And if they're not interested or we've nothing in common then that's ok it's not my primary purpose for being there. Alas, if only all this was much simpler.